Talking about Depression

Some mental health tips that have helped me.

If you’ve ever read any of my novels, short stories or poems, you’ve probably guessed that I’ve dealt with problems with my mental health. Though, I’ve never really spoken about it all that much (in a non-fiction sense) because I come from an old school environment/culture that still says to a lot of us, “stop your whining,” “pull your socks up,” “man up!”, “just get on with it.” Talking about how you feel is taboo for a lot folks and unfortunately, some still equate having problems with your mental health as a sign of weakness. Well, fuck that. We can’t all be Michael Madsen.

Lately, I’ve been cycling in and out and up and down. Currently trying to surf a mental tsunami, so what better time to talk about mental health. Today I wanted to write some quick tips that have helped me a lot. If this short article can help just one of my readers, it'll be worth it.

NOTE: When I say depression or mental health, I’m not talking about feeling a little gloomy or down in the dumps for a day or two, I’m talking about the kinds of problems that seriously impact your personal relationships, your working life and your daily life in cycles that last months or years.

So here’s the list. If you’ve been suffering lately, I hope these can help you.

1.     Accept you have a problem as part of who you are. Accept it and try to incorporate it into your life instead of constantly fighting it.

2.     Admit that you have a problem to your loved ones and explain how it sometimes affects your behavior/mood. Ask them to be patient and understanding. Open and honest communication is key.

3.     Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Whether that’s a therapist or a trusted friend, in person or over the phone. Sometimes just venting out all the black bile to someone who is genuinely listening helps a lot. However, know (and everyone always bullshits about this) you ARE pretty much alone with your sickness except a diehard few loved ones and professionals. Associates and casual friends will not understand your behavior and will not really want to hear about your problems. It’s on you to save yourself. No one’s going to do it for you.

4.     Know that all things are transient and so is the way you’re feeling. Things DO get BETTER. Accept the cycles for what they are. Cycles. You wont always feel like this.

5.     Stop drinking alcohol or other such things, if you find they’re exacerbating the problems (as they very likely are).

6.     Get out of your house. DO NOT just sit at home. Even if you only go out for an hour walk around the neighborhood or to a coffee shop, it will help.

7.     Go to the gym. Trust me on this. Even if it's only an hour workout or a forty-five-minute swim. Exercise. It’s hard to start and get out of the rut, but once you’re there in the gym, you’ve already made a huge improvement.

8.     Cut negative people and negative things out of your life, if you find they only make you feel worse. Some people thrive on any kind of negativity. Get them the hell away from you.

9.     Learn to identify self-sabotaging/destructive/delusional behaviors, realize what you’re doing and take some time before acting out on those behaviors.

10.  Know that you’re not alone and nearly everyone at some point in their lives deals with some kind of mental illness. You’re not weak. You’re not malfunctioning. You just have an illness, you’re not defined by an illness.

11.  List 5 things you can be grateful for EVERYDAY. Force yourself to do that. Even if it's only basics to start with.

12.  Write. Even if it's only a sentence or two a day, it's something.

13.  Plan something in your future you can look forward to, be it a short trip or something else.

14.  Choose a new hobby that gets you out of the house and try and do it at least once a month.

15.  Study your illness so you can identify parts of it as they’re happening and thus be partly in control of them.

These are 15 things that have helped me. Please take what you like and throw away the rest. No one person is the same, but I really hope if you’re ever struggling, at least one of these can help you.

Anyway, love to all.

Steve